Lowe's. Yes that Lowe's.
This is a story about LOVE. And how I found LOVE at Lowe's.
No, I didn't run into some hot handy character in the lumberyard (although I wouldn't mind that at all,) and fall head-over-heals for them. Instead, I ran into someone much more pivotal.
It was a few months ago. I was helping my mother in her search for the perfect kitchen sink/faucet. Deep shopping conundrums here, people. As I was pointing out this or that model, I bumped into a dear friend from my past. Boom!
“Holy crap!” we exclaimed at each other, before she promptly introduced me to her husband.
I had no clue she had a new b.f., nonetheless a new hubby. I was speechless, for like- the third time in my entire life. After sharing niceties via shock a'la sinks and faucets, we promised to call one another and, very soon, get together, which we did.
I left without a sink. Instead, I left with a sinking feeling 20 leagues deep.
Here was this friend of mine, shopping with her new mate, and I watched passively as they weighed options regarding a kitchen renovation, together. They were quietly blissful during which what may be overtly perceived as merely mundane acts, yet which mean so much more. Witnessing the two of them blew my corners apart.
My awareness about my at-the-time relationship became crystal clear at that precise moment.
I wanted to be renovating a kitchen with my lover, my partner, my other half. And yet, I knew, if I stayed with the person I was with, I would never have that. EVER. Was I willing to sacrifice that level of connection, shared nesting/planting roots goals and the idea of being an US- forever, for him? Not a chance.
Fast forward a week or so, and I met with L. for a lovely visit. We chatted it up and filled in the gaps since we last connected. After hearing her story, I was completely convinced about what I wanted and deserved. Sometimes I need a push in the forward direction, and seeing people happy together and obviously in love as they shared something trivial made me realize that if I want to have that too, I have to make the space for it to happen.
Please note, I am not superficially basing my entire relationship upon this event alone, yet it represented a larger issue at hand.
Time has passed and it is the Love I still wrestle with. To exchange the ratio of sending my Love outward with my Love going inward has been a challenging, conscious effort. After all, Loving yourself is a strangely worded, abstract concept for most folks. Most respond: “Of course I Love myself!” and yet contradict this statement with their behaviors and reactions.
I knew it was high time I retrograde all that Love I need, back to myself. Give me what I seek. Treat me with the compassion I require and deserve. Set new wheels in motion. And I also knew what that meant.
One must give one thing up to gain another.
Today would have been our anniversary, not that it would have been worthy of a celebration had we stayed together- but where did I find myself?
Purchasing that sink/faucet I was initially shopping for months ago. Feeling pretty crappy about still longing for the Love I dream of. Secretly wishing everything worked out more satisfyingly. But we must all face the reality of our existences. I shook it off as best as I could and made plans to hang with friends later instead of wallowing. And while waiting at the check-out aisle, I started fantasizing about what could have been.Until they walked in.
An adorable, in Love, newlywed couple buying supplies to build something together.
Instantly, I straightened right up and snapped right out of it.
Discover Love at Lowe's.
Love yourself, and your perfect lover will follow.