Tuesday, April 17, 2012

N is for No

 No as in: 

“No, I do NOT want to talk about it.”
“No, I cannot help you with yet another thing.”
“No, I am not interested in doing the same old things over and over and over...”

No is such a liberating word.
It is also accused of being taboo, as some negative curse, depending upon who you ask.

After what seems like a lifetime of reluctant okays and resentful yeses, I relish in the pure freedom of NO.

 Just because someone throws you a ball does not mean you MUST catch it. 

Some of us were raised to be yessers.
Yes I will do that for you and make your life easier.
I willingly and subsequently suffer as a result of this giving nature, since I am sooo generous and compassionate. How righteous.
That behavior turns anyone into a pseudo martyr.
I simply cannot get behind the martyr thing.
No thanks.

Living more thoughtfully than in recent months, with healthier boundaries, I have forced myself to say NO much more than I ever have in the past. If I continued to say yes yes yes, I would have nothing left to give. The no list includes support, friendship, empathy, resources- those characteristics which are noble to have in healthy ratio.
If I give out more than the lion's share, then I am just a selfless fool.
Having been the fool before, I became angry at myself and at the people who were seemingly un-giving. Then I felt even worse.
Better to rethink than react in that manner.

I found that I have grown past certain friends since my fresh dose of no-ism. People expect you to be the person they identified with when you met, especially if they themselves have not changed. (I specifically refer to friends and others of long standing.) 

I am not the type of person who switches sentiment off and on in a snap. I process slower than that and with much contemplation about the situation.Although intellectually, I know what healthy parameters are in relationships, I spent years behaving as if I did not. I gave and gave until I was wiped out. Getting nothing in return will do that to a person.

This is not the first excursion with NO in my life. I have vacationed in NO-land and even had a brief timeshare there, but as my jobs, friendships, lifestyle and communication approach has drastically changed, I slid back into the pre-destined selfless giver yes mode.

 What can I say, I love big, I give big. 

Regardless of the intention to lovingly assist and help eliminate another's suffering, which are positive traits I believe, it is the entire picture of the giving characteristic which needs to be viewed. Hence, my giving pursuit being paused for a station identification.
It is safe to say that I am going through a life makeover.
I am keeping some of my favorite accessories and staples but willingly am letting go of so much outdated baggage.
NO room for it any more.

No, I do not want to hear some horrible story or about a depressing subject.
No, I do not want to give up my only free day in the studio to work crap wages in order to promote someone else's shop.
No, I do not want to eat something that I know will make me ill, just because it's the polite thing to do.

I replace it with a big, fat yes to the things I adore and make me feel great.


  1. "If I continued to say yes yes yes, I would have nothing left to give". Never a truer word spoken.

    There are so many things that I can relate to in this post, especially about others, including family, expecting you to remain a certain way.

    Though it can negative in it's connotation, 'No' can also give a great sense of empowerment, which I'm just beginning to find out for myself.

  2. Hahahaha I also wrote about no for N. Like your post better though. ;-)

  3. Thanks Ladies, It can be un-learned, the art of No-vs-Yes... and anyone can claim their own power of NO!


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