A is for Astrology

In the sphere of the heavens we are all stars!

What were the ancient peoples thinking when they looked up to the night sky? 

With no light pollution to obstruct their view of such a perfect vista,
they must have been in awe.

  I am in awe. 

I know you have seen them lately- 

all lined up in a row in the sky:

(Photo from an awesome science journal.)

Jupiter is the big guy. Venus is the tinier. Chilling out with sister Moon!

The night of the 15th of March, I received no less than 6 calls/texts telling me to go outside and look up. 

But I already was outside, looking up!

In astro terms, we call this planetary aspect a conjunction- when the planets line up close to one another, 0°-8° degrees apart.
Two weeks ago, they were aligned in exact degree, today they are about 14° apart,
yet still visible as a duo.

What conjunction means in is that the planets are strongly influencing one another. After all, the planets are merely magnets in the galaxy, attracting and repelling one another.
Conjunction is a power position! These two give one another an extra boost of energy. 

Jupiter wants us to expand, explore and improve our lives and the greater good using confident idealism and generosity.

Venus wants us to attract, appreciate and value the physical attributes of this world using beauty and Love.

And the two are in the sign of Taurus, the grounded, productive bull of patience, resources and practicality using manifestation with ease and grace.

Perhaps you were drawn to reading about Buddhist philosophy or feng shui lately, and are planing to set up an altar or rock garden in your yard. 

That would be the kind of influence these gorgeous glowing orbs could have on us.

So regardless of whether you subscribe to Astrology like I do- 
or not, 

finding beauty and meaning is always wonderful! 

I ask you to join me tonight in looking up at the heavens in appreciation of the divine map of stars and glowing planets that connect us through time, geography, and culture-

reminding us all how close to one another we truly are!

Vernal Equinox and the Darkening of the Moon

Happy Passages Evolving Revolutionaries! 

Spring is upon us just as the Sun moved into Aries in perfect conjunction with the darkening of the Moon.

With lunar, solar and seasonal phases evolving simultaneously we cannot help feeling a surge of great power. Power to transform by turning within and experiencing the buzzing vibrancy of growth resulting from the seeds of change which we planted for and inside of ourselves many moons ago. 

What desires did you wish to fulfill last Autumn? Did you want to change careers? Did you plan a belief-altering vacation? Perhaps you conceived or birthed a baby? Did you wish for a new push in a more self-affirming direction? How do those wishes feel to you now? I bet you are seeing the in fruition, or at least budding, no?

Spring is in the air, and it is of no coincidence that this time of year sparks a little pep in many a'foot. Seeing the colorful flowers and plants as they start their sprouting and blooming cycle while hearing the animals jabber away chipperly is hard not to smile at. Even in a city, life is making good on it's promises of renewal. No wonder I feel so hopeful... I am also a sucker for seeing chubby robin red-breasts hopping gingerly across the street, which I have witnessed oodles of. 

As today brought the Sun out of watery Pisces, [i.e.: dreamy, intuitive, social, compassionate, "I Sense" - ruled by Neptune] and into firey Aries [i.e.: action, initiation, drive, force, "I AM"- ruled by Mars] did you find yourself feeling a little boost of confidence, willingness to let go, or even in a more playful, carefree mood? I did, in spite of the seemingly negative occurrences beyond my control which reared their groggy heads today. I literally feel lighter, as if a link in my chain broke, the chain which holds me to limitations based in the past. I know I can step beyond that chain.

Hmmm... nice!

Don't get me wrong, I adore Sun in Pisces time of the year, as it gifts me a space to reconnect with any mystical elements I wish to strengthen within myself. Piscean energy is soulful and very deep, like unchartered waters, many leagues deep down under the surface. Going within, embracing our dark periphery or shadow side is necessary for endurance and growth. Just ask a bear. Epic tales of Father Neptune with his trident have been told about the unknown seas and many more will been written based on theories about under-water civilizations. 

I love that with Pisces, what you see is not always what you get. 

Then straight forward, head-first blasting into Aries!!! 

Q: Do the flowers ask permission to bloom? Neither does Aries. 

Aries asks nothing, it just IS. 

Sunny, daring, bold Aries does not hold back. Aries is the un-numbered first in the deck- tarot card- often called the vagabond, more known as: the Fool. Forever leaping, rarely looking. We could all use that type of zest sometimes... I know I can! 

Aries encourages us to be courageous and even a bit impulsive. 

How does this tie into the Moon?

The Moon reflects the Sun. If the Sun is the beacon of our core selves, the Moon is the receptive receiver. If the Sun is the assertion of character and intent, the Moon is where the emotive rhythm generates. 

To those who think they are not effected by the basic Sun or Moon astrological concepts, 

I say: 

Think what you will. 

But the effects of these huge magnetic forces cannot be overpowered by our mere mortal minds. 

When the moon is in Pisces as it is now, many dream prophetically. Perhaps they are even sleepier than usual, or more restless and cannot sleep. 

It can be an intense night with a Pisces Moon hovering in the sky. 

Tomorrow, she will be completely Dark, in Aries. 

[Moon and Sun are in the same sign when she is dark, and in opposing signs when she is full.] 

New Moon, Full Moon, ra ra ra! 

What happens when your cup is empty? You fill it up. But like any vessel, over-fill it, and it's contents spill out. Such is with the phases of the Moon. During Dark (or New) Moon phase, it is a good time to fill'er up- plan or initiate a new project, diet, job, etc. Perfect for Aries! 

During Full Moon phase, it is a good time to release the overflow, the un-needed un-wanted or out-dated habits and beliefs (or clean the closet and donate those dust-collectors!) 

So I invite you to join me in welcoming the Spring, as do the enterprising Aries' Sun and Moon encouraging you to start anew! 

BE exactly as you dreamed to see yourself.

  

For you are the reflection you project!!!

The above is the Astrological chart for this exact moment, at the exact longitude and latitude where I am typing this from. 

Looks like a boat. Come and sail away with me on the bubbling blue seas!

Happy Equinox ALL!!!

In the time since I began typing this, the Moon has moved an entire degree. 

Traveling at 13.2° a day, she's a quick mover!  

  

The Power of Words

As I type this, I am steeping in a bath tinged with sea and epsom salts also sprinkled with eucalyptus oil.

Ginger Lemon Tea- for one

Verdict: I am a warrior on the germy front lines.
Pathogens have shot blazing arrows at the fortress of my immune system. Yowch! 

But it's okay. 

When I feel under the proverbial weather, I see it as a time to gently heed the messages my body is trying to tell me. 

Message received: Mind your Words, Violet.

We all know there is great power in words. Think about how you felt when you were last praised for doing a job well done. You can probably reflect on the exact moment, maybe even picture the exact scenario and conjure up some good feelings about it. Now think about how you felt when you last said something you regret saying. Perhaps you were not kind- to yourself or another. Feels pretty icky, huh? (Don't dwell on that though.)

Words can be healing or damaging, soothing or exciting, loving or violent and everything in between. Being a chatty type, I tend to prattle on ad nauseum. Sometimes I am having a "good" day and I naturally say loving, kind things, generally informative or pontificating things, or make idle chit-chat. On a "bad" day, I can be seething, acidic, judgey and worse- 99% of it to myself. 

When we make statements like "it IS a beautiful day" more often than not, it IS. We may have a spring in our step, let stuff slide that we may otherwise take personally, and see the positive more easily. Same is true of days we proclaim negative statements. The car at the light cuts you off, the cashier charges you double, you break your favorite mug... you get the picture.

What it comes down to is magnetizing with words which you put out there.
Garbage out, garbage in, as my family elders said.
They didn't know the half of it. 

I have been taking a step back from certain people in my life who use words harshly on a regular basis. It just made me feel bad being around them. Their abrasive ways were rubbing off on me. I noticed my heart rate going up, my muscles tightening, and my desire to run. Whether someone is blaming you for some nasty, unrealistic whatever, or harshly putting themselves down, it is sending out a negative vibration.
Like a boomerang, it always returns. It may come in a different form, but it comes back. 

Saying statements like "I hate this ___(job, town, event, etc.)___" are telling the Universe to send us some hatred back.
Statements like "I am stupid for not knowing ____" or "I will never understand____" only set you out on a CAN'T path. 

Roadblock up! Forget being an obstacle, it is a great wall!

Folks in the know know this is true, so it is obvious sometimes when the "I hate/ I can't" energy knocks at the door. But do we even notice we are doing it? I know I was sometimes noticing, but mostly, I was planning a self-pity party for one. Victim mentality (and pompous pragmatism is another offender, more devious and sneakier than negativity) and subservience to "Murphy's Law" are futile. 

Standing in your power always wins. 

So, I can replace words like always, never, can't and hate.
I shall use: now, sometimes, won't/am not and dislike. Soften the blow a bit. Because if you are a hard-hitter, like I am, the boomerang punch-back is a doozy. Living and speaking with intention is a kinder way to be anyhow.
Only with awareness, patience and practice will the words change. 

What does this have to do with my sore throat? Everything.

The throat chakra, Vishuddha, is where our energetic voice resides. It is the Gemini-ish hub for communication. When we speak too much, perhaps in vain, or too little, as when we do not speak up for ourselves, Vishuddha becomes out of balance. It may be of no surprise, but not of no consequence, that I have not been using my words and communication to serve my highest power. 

Lesson: Quiet down. Listen to the words and hear what is said behind them. Speak only when it is necessary, and do so intelligently, with Love and kindness. Talking can be a giving away of ideas and energy and I have been running on back-up recently. 

I could use the peace and quiet. 

Perfect time to listen... Mercury (the great communicator) went into retrograde today and he will be that way for 3 weeks.  Great time to restart that meditation practice...


{Chakra LINK for more info.}

Challenge: 30 Days of Evolving Through Writing

Al at Penwasser Place inspired me to take part in an alphabetically-inspired blog writing challenge coming up in April. 

I love a good challenge and thought it would be a great time for me to get more involved in posting here about my Revolution of Evolution.

Who knows, perhaps it will even encourage me to Evolve more. 

I recently watched this video on TED Talks:

  Matt Cutts' "Try Something New For 30 Days"

 which sparked my intellectual interest, but I did not actually start a 30 day challenge. 

  The website has a selection of fun banners to choose from.  

  I liked that.  

I LOVE writing. 

I Love growing. 

Why not do both?

Being a HUGE fan of signs in my life, I knew this blog challenge would be my challenge. 

Stay tuned all one of you, my dear evolving readers, for in April I will deliver 26 more blogs here at Revolution ~ Evolution!

INTERESTED in learning more or even Joining ME?

CLICK HERE

Heart's Gentle Compass

A loving, nomadic friend has a blog called Honeyriot Love and Peace* where he posts quotes and musings in the Buddhist vein. On occasion, I check in there to see what's on his mind or inspiring his awesomeness. He posted the following quote this week: 

 “ Whatever your difficulties—a devastated heart, financial loss, feeling assaulted by the conflicts around you, or a seemingly hopeless illness—you can always remember that you are free in every moment to set the compass of your heart to your highest intentions. In fact, the two things that you are always free to do—despite your circumstances—are to be present and to be willing to love." 

 ~ Jack Kornfield 

Perfect, that was just what I needed to read. 

Do I set my heart's compass to my highest intention? Why and when or why not?

Yes and No.

There are certain times or ways when I am open, willing and actively operating in and with Love. Those times, life literally opens up for me and the right people and opportunities flow to me like water down a hill. It is incredibly powerful. 

Yet, when fear-based issues challenge me and my faith is shaken, I easily fall into a deep depression and become immobilized. Stopping it is like asking an ant to stop a runaway train. Useless and silly, yet maybe not as impossible as we may think. 

When I am in negative mode, racing thoughts and intense physical reactions take over, as I willingly let them or even encourage them to by wallowing in the panic and feeding the monkey. I have been given a wealth of tools for survival and even excellence, yet struggle with my sense of value related to a perceived goal resulting from false lack of worthiness. 

Not so Zen, huh? 

It is true that our foundations and upbringing effect us, but inspiring stories about Amma* or even Oprah remind me that our pasts guide us yet do not define us. We possess the power to turn the compass arrow towards beautiful, loving, successful lives where we enrich others and therefor the world at large. 

My highest intention.

My friends have been my lifeline recently. For the most part, it has been a nurturing experience. One amazing woman friend keeps reminding me to be gentle with myself. I can be rough on myself [surprise, surprise, surprise... we have a perfectionist in the room!] and she knows just how damaging this can be. Aside from the havoc I can do in my own life, roughness causes me to be harsh in my viewing of others' lives. Owch x2! 

"V, be gentle with yourself " 

she says to me every time we talk. 

"Gosh, I could use that suggestion as a sign wherever I go." 

She suggested I actually make a sign to hang up in my room. 

So I did just that- right now:

My little origami paper reminder.

My Heart's Compass is pointing inward to a new space, a gentle landscape including emotions. There it is okay to feel feelings and know I am safe and loved, no matter what. Life indeed can be robust with harsh realities. 

This is the best time to Be Gentle.

* LINKS. 

Faithful Captain of the Ship of Fools

I have been doing exactly what I intended to NOT do: avoid this blog if I was going through tough times. It is as if I do not want to admit, in some "sacred space" that I am human. I have other venues for that. I have my friends and my writing and other creative outlets. But change and growth is exactly why I started this blog, as I mentioned. 

It is a process, change. We push and shove and expect it to react in kind by having immediate results [like a haircut or outfit change] but true transformation does not adhere to our simple rules. 

Isn't it true that the only thing we can control is how we react to our circumstances? If so, then we only have our responses to guide us as we move onward. 

I could say the words "I accept change and therefore I am okay with it" but I would only be lying- mainly, to myself. (I have actually said that before. Silly me.) Currently, at this moment, I am in a quasi-denial stage of resisting to acknowledge a change I not only asked for, but initiated. 

Knowing full well that it could be extra-chunky and hard to chew,
 I said "Okay Universe, I am ready."

 Then I leaped.

I was the fool... 

Well, kind of.

Like the Vagabond here.

{From: "Ship of Fools" tarot deck by Brian Willams.}

We know that the unknown is frightening and exciting, it's just that we tend to get the ratio of scared witless to giddy all wonky. I do anyway. 

  Holy Moly  -VS-  Bring It On  

  Showdown on NOW!  

For so long, I was a fighter. I had to be. Survival was of the essence. I fought for basic needs. I fought for fairness and justice. I fought for pride. I fought fought fought.
And at some point, I decided it was futile. Either my basic needs would get met or not. Either fairness would rule or not. Pride is an illusion and a dangerous one. I took off my gloves and walked out of the ring.
Years have come and gone, and I realized recently that I only stepped into the ring to fight with myself. Not FOR myself.

That is where the Universe comes into play.

Like a message in a bottle, when we toss out our intentions, they often return from distant shores once we released expectations of their return. So it is with the boomerang of energy which is our prayers or wishes on a higher level. If we hold on, white-knuckled, to our desires, we crush them in our own hand. When we cradle them with loving kindness and release them like a butterfly, they find their way to their own perfect little home.

I asked the Universe for just that.
My own perfect little home.
And what I got in return was very different than I expected. I was looking forward to a roof over my head, a cosy nook to call my own. And what i got was a boost of confidence to call ME my own home, for I had been looking outside for home the entire time. My cosy nook isn't ready for me yet. I have to believe it is getting itself ready for me and in good time, we will be united. I have to have faith it will.

Faith comes in many forms. It does not have to be a religious doctrine, although it often is associated as thus. For most of my youth and early adult life, I believed I had no faith since I do not adhere to religion. I thought they went hand in hand. Having always been a very spiritual person, I had my own set of beliefs I was comfortable maneuvering around life and it's challenges with.

A friend told me I had much faith a few years back after I was going through a wrestling match with forgiveness. I cannot recall the way she put it, but it made sense to me and I have verbally owned having faith now.
(My having of faith has neither grown nor shrank. I just have it.)
Who knows what I called faith before, but there is power in naming things which are abstractions of linear understanding. It makes them less abstract and more tangible.
Just what I needed at the time.

Which brings me to the Ship I am on.
 I am the captain of this Ship of Fools and all the Fools are me. Every face is mine.
Every face presents itself with infinite possibility and infinite strangeness, for every face is looking in a direction uncharted. It is up to me to steer the Ship.

  Up to me to decide where we/I go.   

I want to go where I need to be.
I want to experience and savor each morsel of this crazy trip
as I transform into Vee-2 point OH!
Some of these morsels are sweet, some spicy, some bland, some rotten, but all are worthy of tasting.
I forget this fact sometimes.
I want to rush through the yucky stuff because I know it's going to be uncomfortable, but dang- there's a big treat at the end.
And presence in right now. I forget that one the most.
I actually forget to breathe sometimes. I hold my breath and clench my jaw out of the resistance.

And then I have to come back to center.

Back to my little home on my back and BE.


I will leave you with a quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance 
by Robert M. Pirsig:

"On this trip I think we should notice it, explore it a little, to see if in that strange separation of what man is from what man does we may have some clues as to what the hell has gone wrong in this twentieth century. I don't want to hurry it. That itself is a poisonous twentieth-century attitude. When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things. I just want to get at it slowly, but carefully and thoroughly, with the same attitude I remember was present just before I found that sheared pin. It was that attitude that found it, nothing else."

INTENT

I was just now thinking about new ways to replace some of my unneeded and outdated thoughts, habits and actions with newer, more healthy ones. After pondering this lightly, I decided to check out some fun spiritually-minded web pages I enjoy frequenting. I went to Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology page. He has valuable Astrological Life perspectives and paints inspiring portraits for each Sun Sign to ponder. Check it out HERE!


This is what I read : 

Thirty-two carrier pigeons were awarded medals by the United Kingdom for their meritorious service in the World Wars. Of course, they probably would have preferred sunflower seeds and peanuts as their prize. Let that lesson guide you as you bestow blessings on the people and animals that have done so much for you, Virgo. Give them goodies they would actually love to receive, not meaningless gold stars or abstract accolades. It's time to honor and reward your supporters with practical actions that suit them well. Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? * SACRED ADVERTISEMENT Alice finds her way to Wonderland by falling down a rabbit hole. Dorothy rides to Oz on a tornado. In C. S. Lewis'sThe Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy stumbles into the magical land of Narnia via a portal in the back of a large clothes cabinet. In the sequels to all these adventures, however, the heroines must find different ways to access their exotic dreamlands. Alice slips through a mirror next time. Dorothy uses a Magic Belt. Lucy leaps into a painting of a schooner that becomes real. Take heed of these precedents. The next time a threshold opens into an alternative reality you've enjoyed in the past, it may not resemble the doorways you've used before. * The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Alice in Wonderland is one of my all-time favorite stories. It is the book which lent to my philosophical inclinations as a child which only grew as I did. 


I knew that things were definitely not always as they appeared and enjoyed daydreaming about other ways of being, living, relating and on and on. I created a protective imaginary world with which to view my stranger-than-fiction life from. I went there to be safe, to not be judged, to play freely and explore other sides of what was harsh and negative to deal with. 


What Alice gave me was a home. This home had walls I could walk through, mythical creatures I cavorted with and was a real home. I was the royalty there. I called the shots, unlike little Alice in the book. I was not a victim of absurdities, but a mere participant in creating them, acting an observer or invisible to everyone else if something felt off.


I had power by just existing.


So after reading the above forecast, I found the questions Brezsny posed resonated with me more than the actual horoscope. 


I am evolving personally. 


In the process of said evolution, it can be challenging or downright impossible {or as in Alice, downright Impassible, because nothing is impossible in Wonderland} to know the tastes of the fruits of the evolutionary process before the fruit ripens.

Patience is key. 


Trusting in the process of life is a huge undertaking, yet so simple.


I find it much easier to be both patient and trusting when I take a step off the pedestal I put myself on and then take one step backward. 


Perhaps it is a good time to read Alice again, or Sartre. 
I know that every new experience is an adventure, great or minute. 
All are valid.

INTENT like the photo above reads- is the Divine message!

List of Honor

Inspired by my friend D., during a conversation earlier this week, 

[one where I was feeling especially down in the dumps,] 

I have started writing a running list of the ways I honor myself.

By taking the focus off of the ways I have found fault in my actions/reactions 

(which is just punishing myself,) 

I can spin my focus positively to create a more healthy basis for living. 

So far, so good.

Now, some folks are slightly *self-debasing, but I really took the cake on that one.

Like a less delicious layer cake.

Enough.

Rather than mope and cry about how these hurtful behaviors began and asking myself why it has happened this long,

 I am choosing to stop that behavior whenever I realize it is happening.

Asking “How” or “Why” is futile now.

How suggests we continue to re-observe and re-experience the past, often under a microscope. 

I would rather not continually unearth old wounds. 

Doing so has not helped me this far, why do it any more? 

Having lived through the pains is bad enough, reliving them is worse. It is another self-inflicted pain, often lived over and over again. 

It is, in essence, a form of punishment.

A lifetime of conditioning does not come undone overnight. 

The undoing is a process like any new habit worth implementing in our life. 

The Honoring list is a part of the healing process. 

When we replace one negative behavior with a positive behavior,

 in time- the “Why?” presents itself.

Therein lies wisdom.

The Serenity Prayer sums it up:

Godzilla,

 Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

&

Wisdom to know the difference.

No amount of trying to learn anything can replace the effortlessness of wisdom.

*Self-debasing behavior is a character flaw, as is it's evil twin: Narcisism (& overblown pride.)

Both are harmful expressions of a false sense of self.

Step Inside

It is said that the first step is usually the most difficult. This alludes to birthing a project, starting a challenging circumstance or taking on new opportunities we are faced with. Once we take the step, we find the anticipatory angst melts into a shrug. No biggie.

To say that I am in a doorway would illustrate visually where I feel like I am currently standing.

In between.

Am I going in or coming out?

Both.

I am coming out of a fog.

I am stepping into the light.

I regularly have doorway incedences, as much of my life is comprised of processes of experiences strung together in overlapping strands or woven nets encapsulating me, but not so much so that I can never see out of the perimeters or stretch past limitations. At times the weave is tight, other times I could walk through the holes. 99% of the time it is my perception of the size of those holes which shrinks or grows.

I created this space for myself to openly express the path of transformation I feel I am constantly on. Yet I have not yet openly shared. I have written daily, yet kept it to myself.

Why?

I could say that the only thing holding me (or anyone) back is fear. Fear of not being perceived in “the right” or intended way, fear of not being smart or well-spoken enough, fear of not being good enough, fear of not this, not that, not not not...

Fear all the same.

Simultaneously, as I have been tracking transformation in my present life, I have been re-visiting past instances which have transformed me into the woman I am today. Specifically, I am referring to my artistic passions and creations. My human core.

In this re-visiting (which I initially have taken on for prosperous and {furthering my} career reasons) I am faced with the fact that I have abandoned passions which used to give me great pleasure, yet viewing them from this present standpoint gives me great pain.

Hmm.

How do I transform this uncomfortable situation into a functional jumping-off point? 

It is too early on to see the value or lesson in it.

I must just plow through it, breathing as I go, hoping that meaning and perspective will rear it's head in due time. 

I can live honestly, more honestly than I already do, yet this time I must be as honest with myself as I am with others; Admitting when I am happy, admitting when I am not, admitting (aloud at times) that I have been in hiding for most of my life. 

As a youth, hiding the painfull truths was necessity.

 As an adult, it is a dangerous habit.

I have a story to tell. 

It is my story and it is epic. 

It mill make you think, make you laugh, it will make you cry. 

As it has done for me.

Why have I held back from telling this story- openly and honestly?

You guessed it:

Fear.

Big, looming, ugly, scarey, stupid 'ol fear. I was afraid to expose too much of myself. Afraid I would end up even more disconnected from others than I already felt. Afraid that I would be rejected from those whom I loved and wanted to keep close. Afraid I would shock or repulse people who had a certain image of this particular type of woman I am. 

Smoke projected onto fog.

All illusion.

We preoccupy ourselves with fascinating illusions

Also in this revisiting I discovered that I spent X amount of years searching for a voice I had all along. Yet I had chosen to continue looking for it when the naysayers told me who and what they think I am. 

More projections, but this time from the outside looking in... 

or is it?

Some say that what is in is also out. That when we meet someone with whom we easilly harmonize with that it is a reflection of ourselves. Conversely, when we meet someone with whom we have conflicts with, that it is an aspect within us we are seeing and meeting with adversity. I have found this to be quite true. 

When I flow in peace, peace flows to me. When I am angry, I am met with anger. 

Homeopathy of the Soul. Like attracts like. Like heals like as well.

And what I am in the buisness of is is not really art or expression, it is healing. I used to be in the business of healing others, or so I thought. Now I am in the business of healing me. If I am not healing, I cannot heal anyone else. 

Hence the honesty policy I am taking out on myself. 

Not like life insurance, but death assurance.

As in:

When I die, I want to be sure I did everything I could to live it the most loving, passionate and honest way possible.

No time like the present, huh?

So here I am, typing to no-one, flashing a tiny particle of my soul, baring it with a nervous twinge, keeping my word- to myself. 

I will share transformation as I transform. 

I will evolve.

It will be a revolution of evolution.

Yes!

Today, a dear friend told me that we, as artists, must be openly honest with what we are doing and sharing and why.

That those details are the things heal the world. 

That people need us to be that way as we create art. 

I know I need us to. 

He also said that in the holding back of stories that transform through art, I am doing a disservice to myself and others.

“But the stories are so hard to tell.” I whispered to myself.

They must be the type of stories that really need to be told then. The biggest pills to swallow. And it is my job to chop those stories up into bite-sized morsels and feed them to those who are starving for them. 

Like I am to tell them. 

Like I am to ingest a dose of my own medicine.

Another friend- half my life ago- once said to me (as I was teary-eyed post-sharing a horrific tale of my youth) this:

"It's okay to tell these horrific stories. 

~You must tell them.~

 It is in the telling of these awful things that you went through that make them just that: 

Stories."

She gave me a gift that day.

It reminds me of the best songs ever. Most are relaying epic pain. 

And the artist sings them for years. 

Does it hurt the same the 44^th time? 

I wouldn't know.

I was afraid to sing.

I may not be able to step through this doorway at this exact moment, but I can see both in and out, 

breathe in the air and poise myself for the right moment- 

which always presents itself perfectly... 

in time.