Inspired by my friend D., during a conversation earlier this week,
[one where I was feeling especially down in the dumps,]
I have started writing a running list of the ways I honor myself.
By taking the focus off of the ways I have found fault in my actions/reactions
(which is just punishing myself,)
I can spin my focus positively to create a more healthy basis for living.
So far, so good.
Now, some folks are slightly *self-debasing, but I really took the cake on that one.
Like a less delicious layer cake.
Rather than mope and cry about how these hurtful behaviors began and asking myself why it has happened this long,
I am choosing to stop that behavior whenever I realize it is happening.
Asking “How” or “Why” is futile now.
How suggests we continue to re-observe and re-experience the past, often under a microscope.
I would rather not continually unearth old wounds.
Doing so has not helped me this far, why do it any more?
Having lived through the pains is bad enough, reliving them is worse. It is another self-inflicted pain, often lived over and over again.
It is, in essence, a form of punishment.
A lifetime of conditioning does not come undone overnight.
The undoing is a process like any new habit worth implementing in our life.
The Honoring list is a part of the healing process.
When we replace one negative behavior with a positive behavior,
in time- the “Why?” presents itself.
Therein lies wisdom.
The Serenity Prayer sums it up:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
Wisdom to know the difference.
No amount of trying to learn anything can replace the effortlessness of wisdom.
*Self-debasing behavior is a character flaw, as is it's evil twin: Narcisism (& overblown pride.)
Both are harmful expressions of a false sense of self.