C is for Creativity

Enso Circle in guache. 

Enso is a Zen Buddhist symbol of infinity, of harmony, of the perfect void.

I am a believer in the fact that everyone is blessed with creativity. Some are obvious, such as with visual artists, musicians, or writers. Others are creative in their dress or home décor, their meal planning, or in problem solving. No matter how you look at creativity, it is a treasure to express.

In teaching visual art, I have come across many people who get stuck in the mindset of “I can't” when they are trying to express a thought or feeling. Frustration can bubble up to the surface, in an adult as easily as it can a child, and cause the inner brat to literally scream out in despair. But it doesn't have to ruin their day. Through gentle encouragement and patience, one can work past the block to a place of joyous expressing again, quickly too!

I have found that the mind is a bully, a narcissistic showoff, a demanding child. Our brains can insist we pay attention to the thoughts in our heads. Our thoughts can dictate our next emotion as well. Once the thoughts are in the naysayer mode, the emotional side usually follows close by.

So when I am frustrated with an art or writing project, I find it helps to stop the gears, switch up what I am doing, and move on to something different. If I over-ride the brainwaves of frustration and re-send them on a new path, I find that 99% of the time, it frees me up enough to get back to what I was struggling with initially, even more passionately and with more ideas of how to execute my intention. Other times, I find the “new” thing incredibly satisfying and may stick with that one instead, or do both!

The Chubaca-bank was not my "usual" forte, 

but I had a blast making it when my students were sculpting...

and what's better than fun?

It is helpful to have someone by your side, encouraging you to add more ochre yellow, take some clay off the right side, or put the pen down, but not everyone has that option. We have to do this for ourselves. We have to be our own cheering section, our own mentor, our own guide. We can also ask for assistance from the collective soup, deities, or whomever we believe in. We can also meditate to access our deepest spring of inspiration, our inner Godzilla*.

Call upon whatever Muse you chose!

It is one of my callings to inspire creativity in others. To be the teacher/mentor I always wanted and needed. To help draw out in others what I see in them, the wealth of creativity and inspiration that lies within us all!

Kid-made Animal Banks... HOORAY!

If you are hesitant about drawing, because someone, 18 years ago, made a snarky comment about your art, let it go. Get the drawing pad out, and go at it. If you want to take a pottery class, but your family may laugh, don't mention it to them, but enroll. Whatever is holding you back from being creative, no matter how grand or menial- it can be a thing of the past...

But honor you exactly where you are at.

There was only one Michelangelo, one DaVinci, and

there is only one you.

*More about Godzilla soon!

Heart's Gentle Compass

A loving, nomadic friend has a blog called Honeyriot Love and Peace* where he posts quotes and musings in the Buddhist vein. On occasion, I check in there to see what's on his mind or inspiring his awesomeness. He posted the following quote this week: 

 “ Whatever your difficulties—a devastated heart, financial loss, feeling assaulted by the conflicts around you, or a seemingly hopeless illness—you can always remember that you are free in every moment to set the compass of your heart to your highest intentions. In fact, the two things that you are always free to do—despite your circumstances—are to be present and to be willing to love." 

 ~ Jack Kornfield 

Perfect, that was just what I needed to read. 

Do I set my heart's compass to my highest intention? Why and when or why not?

Yes and No.

There are certain times or ways when I am open, willing and actively operating in and with Love. Those times, life literally opens up for me and the right people and opportunities flow to me like water down a hill. It is incredibly powerful. 

Yet, when fear-based issues challenge me and my faith is shaken, I easily fall into a deep depression and become immobilized. Stopping it is like asking an ant to stop a runaway train. Useless and silly, yet maybe not as impossible as we may think. 

When I am in negative mode, racing thoughts and intense physical reactions take over, as I willingly let them or even encourage them to by wallowing in the panic and feeding the monkey. I have been given a wealth of tools for survival and even excellence, yet struggle with my sense of value related to a perceived goal resulting from false lack of worthiness. 

Not so Zen, huh? 

It is true that our foundations and upbringing effect us, but inspiring stories about Amma* or even Oprah remind me that our pasts guide us yet do not define us. We possess the power to turn the compass arrow towards beautiful, loving, successful lives where we enrich others and therefor the world at large. 

My highest intention.

My friends have been my lifeline recently. For the most part, it has been a nurturing experience. One amazing woman friend keeps reminding me to be gentle with myself. I can be rough on myself [surprise, surprise, surprise... we have a perfectionist in the room!] and she knows just how damaging this can be. Aside from the havoc I can do in my own life, roughness causes me to be harsh in my viewing of others' lives. Owch x2! 

"V, be gentle with yourself " 

she says to me every time we talk. 

"Gosh, I could use that suggestion as a sign wherever I go." 

She suggested I actually make a sign to hang up in my room. 

So I did just that- right now:

My little origami paper reminder.

My Heart's Compass is pointing inward to a new space, a gentle landscape including emotions. There it is okay to feel feelings and know I am safe and loved, no matter what. Life indeed can be robust with harsh realities. 

This is the best time to Be Gentle.

* LINKS. 

Faithful Captain of the Ship of Fools

I have been doing exactly what I intended to NOT do: avoid this blog if I was going through tough times. It is as if I do not want to admit, in some "sacred space" that I am human. I have other venues for that. I have my friends and my writing and other creative outlets. But change and growth is exactly why I started this blog, as I mentioned. 

It is a process, change. We push and shove and expect it to react in kind by having immediate results [like a haircut or outfit change] but true transformation does not adhere to our simple rules. 

Isn't it true that the only thing we can control is how we react to our circumstances? If so, then we only have our responses to guide us as we move onward. 

I could say the words "I accept change and therefore I am okay with it" but I would only be lying- mainly, to myself. (I have actually said that before. Silly me.) Currently, at this moment, I am in a quasi-denial stage of resisting to acknowledge a change I not only asked for, but initiated. 

Knowing full well that it could be extra-chunky and hard to chew,
 I said "Okay Universe, I am ready."

 Then I leaped.

I was the fool... 

Well, kind of.

Like the Vagabond here.

{From: "Ship of Fools" tarot deck by Brian Willams.}

We know that the unknown is frightening and exciting, it's just that we tend to get the ratio of scared witless to giddy all wonky. I do anyway. 

  Holy Moly  -VS-  Bring It On  

  Showdown on NOW!  

For so long, I was a fighter. I had to be. Survival was of the essence. I fought for basic needs. I fought for fairness and justice. I fought for pride. I fought fought fought.
And at some point, I decided it was futile. Either my basic needs would get met or not. Either fairness would rule or not. Pride is an illusion and a dangerous one. I took off my gloves and walked out of the ring.
Years have come and gone, and I realized recently that I only stepped into the ring to fight with myself. Not FOR myself.

That is where the Universe comes into play.

Like a message in a bottle, when we toss out our intentions, they often return from distant shores once we released expectations of their return. So it is with the boomerang of energy which is our prayers or wishes on a higher level. If we hold on, white-knuckled, to our desires, we crush them in our own hand. When we cradle them with loving kindness and release them like a butterfly, they find their way to their own perfect little home.

I asked the Universe for just that.
My own perfect little home.
And what I got in return was very different than I expected. I was looking forward to a roof over my head, a cosy nook to call my own. And what i got was a boost of confidence to call ME my own home, for I had been looking outside for home the entire time. My cosy nook isn't ready for me yet. I have to believe it is getting itself ready for me and in good time, we will be united. I have to have faith it will.

Faith comes in many forms. It does not have to be a religious doctrine, although it often is associated as thus. For most of my youth and early adult life, I believed I had no faith since I do not adhere to religion. I thought they went hand in hand. Having always been a very spiritual person, I had my own set of beliefs I was comfortable maneuvering around life and it's challenges with.

A friend told me I had much faith a few years back after I was going through a wrestling match with forgiveness. I cannot recall the way she put it, but it made sense to me and I have verbally owned having faith now.
(My having of faith has neither grown nor shrank. I just have it.)
Who knows what I called faith before, but there is power in naming things which are abstractions of linear understanding. It makes them less abstract and more tangible.
Just what I needed at the time.

Which brings me to the Ship I am on.
 I am the captain of this Ship of Fools and all the Fools are me. Every face is mine.
Every face presents itself with infinite possibility and infinite strangeness, for every face is looking in a direction uncharted. It is up to me to steer the Ship.

  Up to me to decide where we/I go.   

I want to go where I need to be.
I want to experience and savor each morsel of this crazy trip
as I transform into Vee-2 point OH!
Some of these morsels are sweet, some spicy, some bland, some rotten, but all are worthy of tasting.
I forget this fact sometimes.
I want to rush through the yucky stuff because I know it's going to be uncomfortable, but dang- there's a big treat at the end.
And presence in right now. I forget that one the most.
I actually forget to breathe sometimes. I hold my breath and clench my jaw out of the resistance.

And then I have to come back to center.

Back to my little home on my back and BE.


I will leave you with a quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance 
by Robert M. Pirsig:

"On this trip I think we should notice it, explore it a little, to see if in that strange separation of what man is from what man does we may have some clues as to what the hell has gone wrong in this twentieth century. I don't want to hurry it. That itself is a poisonous twentieth-century attitude. When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things. I just want to get at it slowly, but carefully and thoroughly, with the same attitude I remember was present just before I found that sheared pin. It was that attitude that found it, nothing else."